Dating After Divorce: The Single Biggest Question
Fresh from experiencing an emotionally charged divorce, how do you know if you’re ready to get back into the dating scene? The answer is simple: are you ready for a new relationship? You could fall into one of two relationships camps:
1. You DO NOT want to get back into a relationship – perhaps you are still healing from going through a painful divorce that you want to avoid any emotional attachment to someone new.
2. You DO want to get into a relationship – because you realize that getting back into the dating scene will help you create a new positive lifestyle, by surrounding yourself with positive people who can provide comfort and become part of your support group while you get chuck away the emotional baggage you may still be carrying from the previous relationship.
Certainly, the key factor that would dictate which camp you are in would be timing. Nine out of ten relationships that commence right after a divorce settlement usually end in splitting. This occurs because a relationship under these terms are normally meant for “rebound” purposes- we want to punish the new girl or guy for the hurtful pain that our recent ex had just put us through. Usually this situation ends poorly for both parties – we end up hurting ourselves because after the heels of a short term rebound we begin to create a negative sentiment towards the opposite sex. Harbouring such ideas manifests itself into longer-term emotional scars- which is the last of what we need.
Rather than get into a rebound relationship, take the time to pamper yourself, forget about the negative memories by creating new positive ones instead: take a mini-vacation where you take time to heal, figure out what had happened, and how to mature as a person in light of the events that has taken place; remember a divorce requires two people. After taking time to assess one’s own personality, take time to figure out what type of personality would YOU want to date.
The most important question you need to ask yourself when getting ready to date again:
Who Am I Looking For?
This is a powerful question that connects on so many different levels:
1. What qualities are you looking for in a person? This is where you describes your ideal mate, perhaps pick some qualities from your ex – he/she probably had one or two.
2. What qualities are you NOT looking for in a person? Avoid falling into a routine of choosing people with the same characteristics as your ex. You want to start fresh, so think fresh – find someone who compliments YOU, and what YOU want.
Once you take some time to prepare, it’s time to get back onto the social circuit. Equip with a new self, and a list of what you are looking for in a man/woman, you are well ahead in the dating game. Now it is time to use it, and find someone who compliments the “new you.”
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